Bear Squad Info
Frequently Asked Questions (F.A.Q.)
Welcome to BearSquad.net! We all know that everybody loves Bear Squad. But maybe you don’t know who they are… well intern Jeremy is here to help!
What is Bear Squad?
Bear Squad is Canada’s most formidable and beloved superhero team with just one superpower: the ability to turn into bears and maul criminals to death.
Who is in Bear Squad?
Well I'll tell ya!
Jonathan (Grizzly Bear): Jonathan is the reluctant heart and soul of the Bear Squad, but he has been going through a lot of shit lately. He’s been spending more and more time in bear-form, and, obviously, any sane person would rather be a bear instead of a person, but it’s dangerous to spend so much time in the body of a bear. They say you can get trapped. Before Bear Squad, Jonathan was a drifter, wandering around Canada without any sense of purpose. Now that he’s joined Bear Squad, well, he’s still sort of a drifter — a man trapped between two worlds. I really hope he figures all that stuff out soon because he’s really starting to bum everybody out. That being said, no one I have ever met loves life more than Jonathan — and that’s what keeps him dedicated to the team. Jonathan has vowed to protect all living things, from the humans of Canada to the tiniest of critters in the forest, by attacking petty criminals with his powerful, overwhelming bear body.
Samantha (Polar Bear): Samantha is the brilliant tech-person of the Bear Squad. A former engineer who worked for the Canadian Space Agency (CSA), she’s like Q from James Bond if Q could turn into a bear and murder criminals in order to stop them from committing crimes. Why would a team of superheroes with the power to turn into bears need a tech-person? Honestly, I have no idea, and neither do a lot of people — but don’t tell her that because she has kind of a chip on her shoulder about it. Isn’t it enough that she has the ability to turn into a polar bear and fight crime? Does she really need to constantly prove herself by inventing gadgets for Bear Squad to inevitably not use? I don’t know! She’s the genius mechanical engineer, and I’m just the intern who answers the FAQ.
Arthur (Third Bear): Arthur is the fearless leader of Bear Squad. Although he may not be the smartest of the bunch, he makes up for his lack of wit with heart, determination, leadership, and the ability to shapeshift into a bear and maul criminals in the face with his claws, often killing them. Arthur used to be the general manager at a local StarBucks in Ottawa and it shows. This is a guy who knows how to whip a crew into shape with a droplet of inspiration, be they employees selling coffee or bear-themed superheroes equipped with crime-tearing teeth. Arthur has dedicated his life to being Third Bear, leader of the Bear Squad. I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, myself, so he’s someone I personally look up to as a role model.
Who are some of the people that the Bear Squad interacts with?
Major Ursa: Major Ursa is Mission Control for Bear Squad. Basically, he’s the guy on the other side of the computer screen in the Bear Squad Cave who sends Bear Squad off on missions. Major Ursa is a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, and judging by all the badges on his uniform, he’s pretty high up there. In fact, I don’t know anyone who has seen Major Ursa outside of his Mountie uniform. Now that I think of it, I don’t know anyone who knows very much about the guy at all. He’s pretty shrouded in mystery, like that. But he gives Bear Squad their missions and he seems like a pretty cool guy, so what more could you ask for? Major Ursa is the best!
Milana Leroy: Milana Leroy is a smart and savvy up and coming news anchor at CNN 2: Canadian News Network (who I am legally required to state is unaffiliated with the American news network CNN). Milana is smart, hardworking, and no-nonsense. That being said, she seems to have a real issue with Bear Squad. Milana just can’t wrap her head around why everyone loves the Squad so much or what their super powers actually are. She reminds me a lot of you, actually. Always badgering me and Bear Squad with all these questions that totally miss the point! Some say it’s driving her mad and seriously starting to interfere with her professional goals. She seems like a nice lady, so hopefully she just gets on board real soon and stops worrying about all the “murdering of criminals” and other boring details.
Canada: Canada may not be a person, but it’s still an important character in the world of Bear Squad. Founded July 1st, 1867, Canada is the northernmost country in Western Hemisphere. It is home to many of the world’s greatest thinkers and artists and everyone there is happy. Evidently, Canada is a wonderful, perfect place where nothing bad ever happens (except for all of the bad guys and criminals that Bear Squad has to take down). Sure, there’s violence here and there. Sometimes someone has to maul a bank robber in the face and spray a little blood on the bystanders. We’re in the silver age of superheroes, and that’s what being a superhero is all about. All in all, Canada is like one big happy neighborhood, where everyone knows each other and everything is fine.
Who are some of the villains in Bear Squad's rogue gallery?
Lion Tamer: A super-villain who lives with two lions who he controls by shining a large laser-pointer on his enemies.
PouTeen: A 15-year-old boy with genius-level-intellect holding a laser gun, who once poisoned the entire gravy supply of Quebec.
Knife Man: A man who was dropped into a vat of knives. He survived the fall undamaged but then picked up two of them.
So is this like one of those serialized dramedy shows? Is Bear Squad the next Breaking Bad?
Absolutely not. Bear Squad isn’t some melodramatic borefest where you have to tune in each week to find out what the last cliffhanger meant. It’s just the adventures of our friends Arthur, Samantha, and Jonathan, and only the good stuff! Lots of things might go down in an episode of Bear Squad, but it’s my guarantee that no matter what happens, there will be minimal to no consequences.
So what other adventures are in store for the team?
Oooh I’m so glad you asked! Here are my three favorites.
Big Trouble in Little Bear Squad: Bear Squad gets an urgent message from Bear Squad East (Panda Bear, Koala Bear, and Sixth Bear). Panda Bear, whose fiance has been kidnapped by an evil supervillain street gang, needs the help of the team! Can the team rescue her in time? Or will the leader of the street gang successfully marry her, breaking an ancient curse that allows him to take the form of an immortal being? OK nevermind, the evil guy was able to marry her, but can Bear Squad maul this immortal guy to death? There’s only one way to find out.
The Great Hibernation Frustration: Bear Squad is pretty content with how things are going this year, but winter is coming and that means hibernation. Just because the team also has their human forms doesn’t mean they don’t have to sleep all winter like any other bears. Samantha, a.k.a. Polar Bear, doesn’t have to hibernate, and no one expects her to do all the work by herself like last year. As a result, the Bear Squad has to work overtime to wrap up all the crime in Canada before it’s time to settle down until spring! That might even mean that Bear Squad will have to lure some well-known criminals into performing their wintertime crimes ahead of schedule, just so that they can be stopped before the big slumber.
Bear Squad in Space: In the season finale, Samantha, using her previous employment at the Canadian Space Agency, books the Bear Squad a ticket to the Moon, home of the original bears, created by Bear God, to finally visit their true home. To their surprise, the Moon is actually pretty darn similar to Canada! But something feels off. Bear Squad quickly discovers that the bears of the Moon are planning an all out attack on the people of Earth (and as a result, Canada), in order to take what they consider to be their birthright. What side in the coming war will Bear Squad choose to follow? And what does Bear God think of all this? Maybe this is once and for all a problem the team cannot maul to death. Also, Jonathan learns how to play electric guitar.
Wow, those sound pretty intense.
Yeah, Bear Squad has been through a lot. I know I’m just an intern and I don’t even appear in the show at all, but I’m pretty excited about being associated with them. I’ve been a fan for years and I’m even a moderator for the official forums.
And it’s all real?
Every single detail in Bear Squad happened exactly as it was described.
So, uh… are any of them single?
Sorry, Buster, not a chance! The members of Bear Squad only have time for one lover: crime-fighting.
That's all, folks! Thanks for reading and remember: WHERE THERE'S A CRIME, THERE'S A BEAR. GO BEAR SQUAD GO!